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Our alternate
Story, My Mother
September 7th to October 19th, 2005
By Fernando Román
I want to tell you,
something very personal, which unavoidable was in my mind during this travel
and during the seminar, I feel a big necessity of express it, just tell it.
From October 7th to 11th, I had the opportunity to instruct the first Aikido seminar in Costa Rica, suppoted by AHAH international, with Marco González, coordinator from AHAH Costa Rica, helping with this event the "Aldeas Infantiles SOS".
15 days before the seminar, my mother was very ill and hospitalized in the National Medical Center ("Siglo 21") of the Mexican institute of the social security for a lately detected cancer; she had liquid around her lungs and heart, obstructing her breathing, making a lot of pain in the chest. All that time she was there, receiving treatment with strong medicines. With this situation I want to confess that for me, it was very difficult to traveled to Costa Rica, for this matter, the born of my second son just 20 days before and for others situations that occurred, although the others were simple compared with my mother situation like the weather affairs that I have detailed in the oficial report of the seminar. When I returned on October 11th, we had still being gone several times to the hospital, my brothers and me made turns every day in order to stayed all the night with her, because she could not be left alone any moment. Some relatives supported us also to answer to any unexpected event. By that time, the doctors were deciding in accordance with the studies, if a surgical intervention could be or not practicable, a surgical intervention that the doctors said that she hardly could survive.
About 10 years ago, my mother made a strong friendship with a family from Costa Rica, that visited Mexico once, she met them thanks to the wife of one of my brothers, my mother take care of Miss Flory, who was the first of this family who came to Mexico, accompanied with husband who traveled due to job issues. She was about 10 days in my Mother's home, they like it so much that they returned and stayed month and a half more, by this days the family was conformed by two sisters, Flory and Maribel, two sons of 12 and 20 years old and a little girl of 6 years old, now she's got 15 years old.
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When my Mum knew that I would travel to Costa Rica, she immediately gave me their address and almost daily she told me not to forget to visit them and send them her greetings, so in one afternoon after the seminar, I ask Marco Sensei if he could told me how to went to the address, but more that told me, one of his students, Gerado take us directly because it was very close from the place where we stayed, and he knows very well. When I got to their home, the family gave me a lot of kisses and hugs; I felt that I represented to them at this moment, my Mum, they hadn't seen her since their visit to Mexico, and only were in touch by phone and letters. I expected this warming attitude, because I had already seen in Mexico with my mother and with every member of the family. The have been always very affectionate.
The Barrientos family sent their greetings to my mother and also some gifts, I took them some pictures and also videoclips, all had the opportunity to said hello to my Mother by his own words and image in movement. I told them that the first thing that I would made when I arrived to Mexico, would be said My mother their greetings and showed her the videoclips, I thought that I would be a good thing because it will be words of blessings and encouragement. The said that as soon as she heal, they would like to take her to Costa Rica and stayed in a beach where his real grand mummy lives, and I said real, because they see my mother like another family member, and the girls always said her grand mummy.
Sincerely, at that moment I felt a double feeling, in one hand I felt happy for being with them and to knew that my mother had such ties and motivated such affections attitudes, in the other hand I felt sad because I had not the certainty that my mother could be able to return to her own home, so the plans that they were saying could hardly be done.
 Karina in the present |
 With the Barrientos family at their home, on October 9th 2005. |
On Tuesday 11th, I returned from Costa Rica, after a taxi travel of an hour and a half from airport to my home, I only left my luggage and immediately took the car to visited my mother. By those days, I had been raining a lot in Mexico City, but that Tuesday, additional with the torrential rain, the workers of the Social security in Mexico (precisely the institution where my mother where hospitalized) close a main avenue of this city in a manifestation (Tlalpan). With all the issues that had been around my head and without taking rest for the travel, it seemed to me the worst of the rains, in a 3 hours driving that usually takes half of hour, I arrived to the hospital, I just hugged her and cry with her, repressing my self of not to did to strong, because she was fully connected with tubes and items. After had talked for a while with her I showed her the pictures and also read to her the letters that they had sent to her. In the gifts that I brought, from Costa Rica, there were a tiny and pretty crucify made of different natural woods from that country. My mother told me, that soon her time would came and asked me to be incinerated with that crucify, because it had a great significance to her.
 This keychain was found in the Hotel room where we stayed in Costa Rica, it was in the rug, in a corner of one of the beds. |
 Crucify from Costa Rica that accompany my mother |
We spent a week after my return, my brothers and me and also some friends and relatives, between hospitals, getting medicines, making steps and as you could suppose with half sleep. Since all this began, as I told you 15 days before the seminar, we did all that humanly can be done, but despite my mother stayed complete, and when she was not in a cough attack, a fluently conversation could be maintained with her, she had been going down more and more, and many times per day she had moments of terrible pain. With all this, October 18th arrived, and the doctors told us that nothing could be done for her, we suggested us to take her to home. My mother, a person who worked since 4 years old (who was in fact the mother and the father of four sons, because we were abandoned by him since children), a women full of happiness, physically tall, beautiful and strong with a heart that conquered anybody in five minutes, was one more night in her bed, and passed away the following day, early in the morning, and only two days before her 63rd birthday.
 Mi mother Martha Rosas Almaráz as 27 years old |
 With his four children, of left to right: Jose Luis, Alejandro, Hector Arturo and Fernando. |
My mother could said goodbye to her family, in her vigil and the days followed to said her goodbye, I was surprised by the quantity of persons who came to present their respects, close and far relatives, many neighbors and friends, partners of many works and other people that we don't met before, came and hugged us, saying that she was a woman who always thought in the others, who gave herself and that very few times thought in herself, that It was very easy to make affection bonds with her and now, it will be very difficult to get accustomed to the absence of phone calls, to congratulate them or just to know how were they.
Until the end, she thought and take care for the others, to us, as her sons, she told us in her hospital bed, not to worry about her, because we knew that her life was dedicated to us, she told us that she felt proud of seeing us as adults, with family and with a home, with no vices, and that all of us have given her marvelous grandsons. She told us to take care of them as she did with us, and make them honorable people, because this is the important thing. When someone cry for her, she told him that she knew where she would go, and that the arms of Good would wait for her, that we must accept the nature statements as she was accepting them, so she could go at any time, because she hadn't any pending affair, with a plenty acceptation and with gratitude to the life that Good have given her. She only asked us to keep the family united, because all her life was dedicated to that, to have a united family.
It was really painful to communicate her decease to relatives and friends; they couldn't think how fast everything happened. Especially for me, it was very painful to tell Flory and the Barrientos family in Costa Rica.
Thinking in the events since 2003 year, where we changed the path of our lives choosing to become a humanitarian Aikido organization. I want to finish this story saying that…. Cancer, abandoned children, needy children, Denver, Central America, Costa Rica and Mexico, to thing in the others, my mother, women that became in mothers of others people children, union and harmony, the work, sons and family, now are places and concepts with a new meaning in my life.
 Mi mother leaves |
 Leonardo, my second son arrives. |